Premise:
TPB Boys have a flashback to their adolescent (ages 10-12) days after smoking moldy hash
Present day Afternoon in Sunnyvale. Boys are at Bubbles’ shed shooting the shit and as usual the Boys are bored and broke. Ricky keeps wanting to get drunk and high. Julian tells him they need to make some cash or Ricky needs to start growing weed again. Ricky suddenly remembers that he had stashed some hash in Bubbles’ shed. He buried it under the kitty litter, because “No one would fucking look there.” Slight problem - the bag wasn’t sealed tight and cat piss has infiltrated the hash causing it to mold.
Julian and Bubbles tell Ricky that he needs to throw it away as it will make him sick. Bubbles “Ya never know what those kitties been eating, the little bastards are Sunnyvale scavengers”. Ricky however, doesn’t believe them and finally persuades them that they can’t let this go to waste since they don’t have anything else right now. They all take a hit from the hash and proceed to tell each other that there is nothing wrong with it. Bubbles “The kitty litter must have filtered out the proteins from the urine and left the hash unharmed”. However, he was wrong!
After a few hits the Boys start to feel light headed and groggy. Julian is the first one to say that the hash is rancid and they need to stop. Of course, this causes Ricky to take one more GIGANTIC toke. All of the Boys start mumbling and pass out in various positions in Bubbles’ shed.
Zoom in on Ricky, cuz he is twitching and mumbling, screen fades to black and we see a big, shiny, beautiful train, with Swayze embossed on the side of it. We now see that the Boys are adolescents. Bubbles has Conky, a Rush T-shirt, knicker shorts with knee high white socks, black shoes. Ricky is in his usual track pants and houndstooth, with a Reveen covered TrapperKeeper, Julian is wearing a “Dirty Dancing” t-shirt, acid washed jeans and has fluffy long feathered hair, ala Patrick Swayze.
Bubbles looks at the Boys and of course wants to take a ride. Julian is unsure and Ricky says “Why the fuck not?” Julian, “We don’t have any money Ricky and we don’t know where this is going.” Just then the conductor leans out of the engine compartment - (the conductor is Don Swayze) and says “Boys hop on, don’t worry about a ticket.” We hear in the background - All aboard for Sunnyvale. The boys board the train. Bubbles is making train noises.
Flash ahead - we see Sunnyvale from the same camera angle as the opening credits. However instead of being rundown, the place is beautiful. Lawns are manicured, cars are in good shape and we can surmise that this is an average middle income trailer park. Ricky,Bubbles and Sara are outside of Julian’s grandma’s trailer. They are talking about how much they dislike Randy (sweats too much and always wants to play dress up with the girls) and wish that Julian would stop spending so much time with Lucy. They look into Julian’s window and you can faintly hear “Time of My Life” playing in the background and Julian and Lucy are trying to act out the final dance scene from Dirty Dancing. Bubbles bangs on the window and yells for them to hurry up because they will be late for school. Julian has applied to Dance Nova Scotia and is very nervous that he will mess up his chance to be accepted.
At school it is show and tell day, Ricky is very excited and nervous because it’s his turn for show and tell. Of course he wants to hypnotize someone just like Reveen. He gets in front of class and asks for a volunteer, Cyrus volunteers. Ricky tries to induce hypnosis in him and of course Cyrus fucks it up. What Ricky doesn’t realize is that his hypnosis does work, on 2 girls sitting in the front row, Sara and Lucy (thus insuring that those 3 will always have some deep fucked up connection forever). After many attempts with Cyrus, Ricky gets mad and runs from the classroom. The teacher calls after him but he doesn’t come back. This starts the feud with Cyrus.
After school, Julian and Bubbles (with Conky) go to find Ricky. They know he is at a fort they built down by the lake. When they get there, Ricky is burning his Reveen TrapperKeeper and screaming about how much he hates Reveen. Ricky has stolen a bottle of Swish from Ray. This is the first time the Boys have had alcohol and since it’s the dirty ass Swish they get completely fucked. The smoke from the fire alerts Lahey who finds the Boys piss drunk. He hauls them in to the police station and books them with juvenile delinquency The Boys are completely fucking wasted. Bubbles starts having visions of something that he calls a Samsquanch. He is truly scared and Conky gains his voice as Bubbles’ self defense mechanism. Since Lahey charges them, it ruins Julian’s chance for Dance Nova Scotia. Lahey throws them in a jail cell to sleep it off.
When the Boys pass out it triggers the fast forward to the present day. The Boys wake up from the Kitty Hash and are groggy and disoriented. Kitties are crawling all over them. Lahey and Randy drive up and start shit with the Boys per usual. Lahey tells them that he knew from the first time he picked them up that they wouldn’t amount to anything. Their life has been “Shitpocalypse”.
The Boys tell him and Randy to fuck off. The Boys are left to wonder what might have been.
I didn’t add dialogue as I thought that would be better suited for the Boys to add.
written by: Jamie Stewart
