A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element
has been tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one
neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it
comes in contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction
to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less
than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
"isodopes" This characteristic of moron- promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You
will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium
becomes "Administratium" -- an element which radiates just as much
energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
