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Author Topic: Best opening lines on the telephone  (Read 1546 times)

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Fishyneil

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Best opening lines on the telephone
« on: Feb 27, 2007, 07:24 PM »
How do you introduce your self when calling someone?

Phone gets picked up. "Hello?"
Caller: Yeah, You have to get the fuck over to my place right fucking now. There is a MAJOR party happening right fucking now.
"Who is this?"
 :oops: fishy

Fishy
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Shit machine gun

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« Reply #1 on: Feb 27, 2007, 07:32 PM »
At work everyone says their name when someone calls them but I just say hello and the business name. 

At home I say Hello.

If calling someone I don't know, it's Hello my name is ...

I'm white bread boring.
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smokesletsgo

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« Reply #2 on: Feb 27, 2007, 07:37 PM »
i say hello there your looking well
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Fishyneil

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Best opening lines on the telephone
« Reply #3 on: Feb 27, 2007, 07:38 PM »
Call a good buddy up and say you're Elvis...just to fuck with him.
Fishy
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tan

Best opening lines on the telephone
« Reply #4 on: Feb 27, 2007, 08:47 PM »
i have caller ID so it all depends who is calling and what mood...i have a selected group of people i know that always tend to call when they need something...want to know something or have me do something for them....so most of the time when i see them callers i answer with
"what in the fuck do ya want now" i totally skip the hello and unreal but they laugh and ask away  :-s

but most of the time its hello....well in my case hallo cause i'm french  :P
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SuzieQ

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« Reply #5 on: Feb 27, 2007, 10:05 PM »
I am simple:

At Work - This is Suzie
On Cell - This is Suzie
At home - Hello?

I hate hearing my home phone ring.  Of course, if I know who it is, I usually answer "Billy Bob's Billard's, we rack your balls" or some such nonsense. 

Or, if it is someone that I want to make uncomfortable (like my boss who is very straight), because I live for that shit, I say, "Gregory, darling, how are you?" in my sweetest voice.
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Mall_cop

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« Reply #6 on: Feb 27, 2007, 10:14 PM »
Home - Hello? (Sometimes Yello, ala Homer Simpson)
Work - Mall Cop speaking (but with my real name)
When it's someone I know, thanks to caller ID
"Lou's Delivery" or "Fuck off with the guns!" or "Whhhaaaaaat?"

I guess that's not all that funny. Oh well. It's getting late.
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Ms Vee

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« Reply #7 on: Feb 27, 2007, 10:54 PM »
Quote from: tan on Feb 27, 2007, 08:47 PM
i have caller ID so it all depends who is calling and what mood...i have a selected group of people i know that always tend to call when they need something...want to know something or have me do something for them....so most of the time when i see them callers i answer with
"what in the fuck do ya want now" i totally skip the hello and unreal but they laugh and ask away  :-s

but most of the time its hello....well in my case hallo cause i'm french  :P

Tan, Tan, you are using the caller ID feature all wrong!  When you see someone that you really don't want to talk to, you don't answer the phone, and let the answering machine get it!  At least thats what we do at our house. :P

I remember my foster bro used to answer with "Joe's Morgue, you plug em, we plant em. :rofl:
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Brophy

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« Reply #8 on: Feb 28, 2007, 04:58 AM »
Home: "Hello".  Unless I am screening then I let my voicemail (with my old roomates from a year ago still listed) pick it up.

Work: If I don't know who it is "HR, Crystal speaking". If its my friend its usually something random.  "Jack's pickles and penis pumps" or "House of Pool - 8 ball speaking"

You know.. random.
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tan

Best opening lines on the telephone
« Reply #9 on: Feb 28, 2007, 06:59 AM »
Quote from: Ms Vee on Feb 27, 2007, 10:54 PM
Quote from: tan on Feb 27, 2007, 08:47 PM
i have caller ID so it all depends who is calling and what mood...i have a selected group of people i know that always tend to call when they need something...want to know something or have me do something for them....so most of the time when i see them callers i answer with
"what in the fuck do ya want now" i totally skip the hello and unreal but they laugh and ask away  :-s

but most of the time its hello....well in my case hallo cause i'm french  :P

Tan, Tan, you are using the caller ID feature all wrong!  When you see someone that you really don't want to talk to, you don't answer the phone, and let the answering machine get it!  At least thats what we do at our house. :P

I remember my foster bro used to answer with "Joe's Morgue, you plug em, we plant em. :rofl:



LOL V i wish that could work i've tried not answering...the thing is most people KNOW i don't go out much so they hang  up and call right back till i answer.....so i rather say what the fuck ya want than hearing that dam phone ring 50 times in a row
yesterday was a nasty day.....telemarketers were on the ball...them 800# i don't answer but they call alot and everyone must be fucking up their PC's cause i got soo many calls for that and the door was even active yesterday everyone was showing up....i pretty near went nuts... :shock:
« Last Edit: Feb 28, 2007, 07:02 AM by tan »
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sohcahtoa

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« Reply #10 on: Feb 28, 2007, 08:59 AM »
Home - Hello?
Cellphone - A'HOY HOY!
Work - Thank you for calling Apple, my name is Scott.
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SuzieQ

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« Reply #11 on: Feb 28, 2007, 12:25 PM »
One day at my old job, I was getting really frustrated because the phone would not stop ringing.  I had just gotten off the phone, looked at my cube farm mate and said, "If that fucking phone rings again, I am going to go ape shit!", when the phone promptly rang.  I answered it "Goddammit!"

I hung up immediately.  When the person called back, I pretended like I had no clue that they had just called.   :lol:
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Djet3k

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« Reply #12 on: Feb 28, 2007, 12:39 PM »
i blur out an ello or Yo! most of the times..

at work : hello my name is dieter v.c. from mediamarkt oostakker gent.
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K-ROC

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« Reply #13 on: Mar 06, 2007, 07:56 PM »
Quote from: sohcahtoa on Feb 28, 2007, 08:59 AM
Home - Hello?
Cellphone - A'HOY HOY!
Work - Thank you for calling Apple, my name is Scott.

Ohhh man, you must be one of the computer tech guys that always sound sexy on the phone.  And then I get all flustered and don't know how to explain my problem.  Le sigh...
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Fishyneil

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« Reply #14 on: Mar 07, 2007, 02:36 AM »
 Dieter and I still have to work on Dirty Dancin's answering machine message :lol: Apparently, we have distinctive voices.
Fishy
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maddog

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« Reply #15 on: Mar 07, 2007, 03:13 PM »
3 am WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT U FUCKING PRICK lol
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Dirty Dancin

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« Reply #16 on: Mar 07, 2007, 05:42 PM »
Quote from: Fishyneil on Mar 07, 2007, 02:36 AM
Dieter and I still have to work on Dirty Dancin's answering machine message :lol: Apparently, we have distinctive voices.
Fishy

After hearing my voice mail message, you must finally realize I need all the help I can get.  :sleepy:
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maddog

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« Reply #17 on: Mar 07, 2007, 08:52 PM »
just to fuck with telemarketers when the number id comes up as Ontario answer it hello this is Alberta.and so on lol
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SuzieQ

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« Reply #18 on: Mar 07, 2007, 09:43 PM »
Quote from: maddog on Mar 07, 2007, 08:52 PM
just to fuck with telemarketers when the number id comes up as Ontario answer it hello this is Alberta.and so on lol

My out with the telemarketers is that none of them know how to pronounce my last name.  It is not hard to say, they just cannot say it.  So, when they ask for me with the butchered last name, I assure them that there is no one by that name in my house. 
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pcole11

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« Reply #19 on: Mar 09, 2007, 07:29 PM »
I like to say "insert name of town" House of Pizza!
It really throws people off.  :D  Especially internal calls at work.

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maddog

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« Reply #20 on: Mar 09, 2007, 08:45 PM »
Quote from: pcole11 on Mar 09, 2007, 07:29 PM
I like to say "insert name of town" House of Pizza!
It really throws people off.  :D  Especially internal calls at work.


Hehe :D
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sohcahtoa

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« Reply #21 on: Mar 12, 2007, 02:18 PM »
I work at a call centre for Apple computers and last night it was two minutes until I was suppose to be taking my girlfriend out for a night on the town, and there was still a call left in my queue! So I answered and pretended I was a recording and it fuckin worked!  :D

"Thanks for calling. You've reached Apple Technical Support. We are closed for the evening. Our hours of operation are from 8:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M. central time. If you still would like to get assistance call back and choose option five to get through to an Apple store in your area to make an appointment at the Genius bar. Thank you for your patronage and have a good day."

*Background Voices* "Awww man! They're closed! We're gonna have to go to the store!"


Haha, am I a bad person or what?
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Djet3k

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« Reply #22 on: Mar 12, 2007, 02:34 PM »
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Shit machine gun

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« Reply #23 on: Mar 12, 2007, 03:50 PM »
Awesome job Sohc.  They're probably happy not to talk to someone anyway.
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K-ROC

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« Reply #24 on: Mar 12, 2007, 07:58 PM »
I've always wanted to do that, but knowing me I'd crack up or mess up a word somewhere and give myself away. 
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