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Author Topic: ~The Mongoose Sentinal~  (Read 2284 times)

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StoneChimes

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« on: Feb 12, 2007, 04:30 AM »
Good day ladies and germntleman.. cough..

This park has evolved alot in the last couple of years as a community (thoughtful, intelligent hand gesture) And I think it's time this park had a newspaper.  :)

**appropriate amount of applause**  :-s

So. anyhoo.. I thought that this should be a place for people to post any really pressing or relevant news stories they need to get off teir chest..

AND aside from the rules of the board, you can write whatever report you want here as long as you follow TWO stipulations: one - it's funny & two - it's not true.

This thread is for stories of dubious quality and factuality .. I'll start a The Mongoose Sentinal Classifieds section for discussion about the articles..   :)

I'll see you guys soon I hope  :6paper:  :camera: :beaver:
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StoneChimes

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~made history
« Reply #1 on: Feb 12, 2007, 04:53 AM »
Melbourne, Australia 12/02/2007

A courageous young man who despite years of suffering bad breath and a crap personality has made history today by starting a fake newspaper that is not only fake but contains no news whatsover and is not made out of any paper.

No one was available to comment sensibly. A wolf was heard to howl sarcastically in the distance. I dare you not to try and recreate that image.

Reuters not
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Shit machine gun

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« Reply #2 on: Feb 12, 2007, 07:20 AM »
Brockville, Ontario, Canada  15/04/2007

A woman here gave birth to the new messiah today.  It was born with a halo and wings and everything.  The father is thought to be BatBoy of Weekly World News fame.  More to follow.

AP not
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2009-2010 TPB FANTASY HOCKEY CHAMPION. 

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Fishyneil

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #3 on: Feb 12, 2007, 07:31 AM »
Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07

Local man gone mad.
A local man, driven crazy by having to shovel every day, took things into his own hands. He purchased an army issue flame thrower and obliterated the entire driveway of snow while wearing hip waders.
  The authorities have placed the man in the local institution for observation.

FP (Fishy Press)
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"So why would you care
To get out of this place
You and me and all our friends
Such a happy human race"

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shake

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« Reply #4 on: Feb 12, 2007, 10:01 AM »
Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07Mongoose Sentinal Staff Reporter
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Djet3k

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #5 on: Feb 12, 2007, 10:21 AM »
EXTRA! EXTRA! Reaaaad all about it!,whole institution burns down right after inmates learned how to operate flamethroooowers, EXTRA EXTRA...
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"Fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noich noich noich, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noich, noich noich / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts."

"Just remember when you control the mail you control....information!"

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« Reply #6 on: Feb 12, 2007, 10:29 AM »
*Geez you have to fast around here or you will get scooped.  I already had these ready to go so here they are*

Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07Mongoose Sentinal Staff Reporter


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shake

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« Reply #7 on: Feb 12, 2007, 10:30 AM »
Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07Mongoose Sentinal Staff Reporter
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 12, 2007, 01:09 PM »
Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07Mongoose Sentinal Staff Reporter
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Djet3k

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #9 on: Feb 12, 2007, 01:33 PM »
Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 02/12/07

Mongoose massacre at local institution

The Owen Sound Mental Health institution had to be closed down today since all patients have been hospitalized with mongoose bites and rabies attacks. This all started when one of the patients accidentally misplaced his pet mongoose with a sewer rat. This rat ended up bitting the patient in expliset deleted area which caused an instant rabies attack. To which the patient started bitting and stomping on other patients mongoose. All mongeese got instantly scared from hearing other die and retaliated by attacking everyone inside the building. Bitting trough limb and flesh till the army arrived with poisen mongoose treats. All mongoose are now supposably death except for the one that got originally swapped. Patients are being kept hospitalized and tranquilized till the rabies foam clears of there mouth




Owen Sound, Ontario Canada 03/12/07

New director at local institution gets arrested

It seems like the mental patients at the reopened mental institution just cant get any luck. Police where appalled to find now government advised director Dr Satan experimenting with patients, this just minutes after the reopening ceremony which got held after the the institution burned down for the second time.



The doctor got caught red handed while he was trying to make a sasquatch/cyborg out of one of the patients and was taken in custody urly this morning. The institution stays closed for now since most of the patients are again unfortunately hospitalized. The police hasn't released any testimony yet but the doctor was heard screaming " a mongoose made me do it" while he was taken away.

« Last Edit: Feb 12, 2007, 07:37 PM by Djet3k »
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« Reply #10 on: Feb 15, 2007, 10:31 PM »
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Drunk_As_Fuck

~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #11 on: Feb 16, 2007, 03:56 PM »
Great story Jdub :).  As an avid reader I can't tell ya how I appreicate how you took such big risks to bring us that story ;).  I was litreally LOL ...... tears comin' from my eyes.  Keep the articles comin' !!!!!!!!!!!
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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #12 on: Feb 16, 2007, 04:03 PM »
Quote from: Drunk_As_Fuck on Feb 16, 2007, 03:56 PM
Keep the articles comin' !!!!!!!!!!!

Keep the pics comin'  ;)
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« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2007, 10:02 PM »
Ottawa, Ontario Canada 05/23/07Mongoose Sentinal Staff Reporter


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Coleharbourjim

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« Reply #14 on: Jun 01, 2007, 03:05 PM »
http://www.abc.net.au/news/australia/default.htm  The mongoose ate our stoney !!!!
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Djet3k

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« Reply #15 on: Jun 02, 2007, 11:59 AM »
its a link to a bicecle gang shooting, plz dont tell me stoney had to represent himself again and that we need to bail him out of jail again??
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StoneChimes

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« Reply #16 on: Jun 10, 2007, 09:21 PM »
My BMX gang fucked their shit up.
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tellkyle

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« Reply #17 on: Jun 11, 2007, 10:37 PM »
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"Marijuana is the flame, heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb."
--Sgt. Joe Friday

'cuz both black and white are smokin' crack tonight  -- tupac amaru shakur

Shit machine gun

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« Reply #18 on: Sep 19, 2007, 03:07 PM »
I'm waiting for the Mongoose Sentinal Fall Wedding spectacular to come out.
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Jdub

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~The Mongoose Sentinal~
« Reply #19 on: Sep 20, 2007, 03:49 PM »
It will actually be the Winter Wedding Spectacular......for those in the North West....for us in the South East it will be the Summer Wedding Spectacular....haha.  Trying for the first
day of summer actually  :D Stay Tuned as Stoney will be reporting the even right here in ~The Mongoose Sentinal~
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