Topic: when is punishment right? (Read 1999 times)

budgirl33 · « **Reply #25 on:** Jun 21, 2006, 01:14 PM »

It sounds to me like your child tried very hard to do well in school, I can't believe that she would get punished for that. I believe some kids just got it and some got to work very hard for their marks. My daughter has always been top in her class without much effort, but my son has to study a lot to get a 70%. I also don't believe that kids should be put on a grade. I know to many people who by the time they got to grade 10 couldn't read and ended up quiting school because of it.

EvilTwin · « **Reply #26 on:** Jun 21, 2006, 03:57 PM »

Your ex husband is wrong. These are the years that your daughter hones her social skills by interacting with her peers. Not allowing her to do the normal things that kids her age do will retard those skills. I speak from experience. I was one of those kids that "got it". I rarely did homework, because it bored me, but when test time came I always scored at the top of the class. But because I didn't do home work I always received poor grades, just passing by the skin of my teeth. Grade school was the worst, high school was a little better because some of my teachers realized that homework didn't mean everything. Pretty progressive thinking for a hick school in Indiana. As a result of my poor report cards my dad grounded me alot, for long periods of time. These were the days before Playstation and gameboys and all that stuff that kids today take for granted. When my dad grounded you, you were grounded. No TV, no phone, all I had was a stereo and a lot of books. I missed out on birthday parties and sleepovers and all that stuff that kids do. My later teens and early twenties were a difficult point in my life as I lacked the interaction skills that my peers acquired in their early teens. Social settings are still somewhat uncomfortable for me at times.

Would it have been easier to simply do my home work? Of course. But I was a rebel at heart and by the time I figured that out I was stubbornly trying to prove a point to my dad. It finally hit him about 10 years after I graduated.

Just my 2 kroners worth.

Vancouver · « **Reply #27 on:** Jun 21, 2006, 04:41 PM »

great thread Tan...punishment (IMO) is for an offence commited purposely when one knows better. For every action a consequence will follow. cause and effect. Like a natural consequence for failing gr. school is "o fack Im not in the same class as my friends next year. Everybody at school will know I failed", ect.ect. THAT is a natural consequence that your daughter's gonna feel everyday next school year. I believe thats "punishment" enuff w/ out anybody adding to it.
Does your daughter seem to care that she failed? ( I thought they didn't fail gr. school theze days?)

Cappy · « **Reply #28 on:** Jun 21, 2006, 05:42 PM »

The kids gone thru enough failing. She is embarassed and thats enough. She'll be fine. Just encourage her.

Canuckguy · « **Reply #29 on:** Jun 21, 2006, 06:50 PM »

Shes going to be punished enough having to do the grade again. Id just try to reenforce the fact that school is very important for her future, and tell her if she needs help you can help get her a tutor or after school help. Maybe review some of the stuff she had troubles with once a week over the summer, and also think about making sure she gets a different teacher.

tan · « **Reply #30 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 09:12 AM »

thanks again you guys for all your insights...
i am hoping since she spends alot more time with me than her father that by encouraging her constantly that what her father has made her feel will pass...i mean i know when something like this happens it is hard to forget and get over...i know that first hand with not having caring parents how actions and even just words can affect someone....
i for one refuse to let her think she is stupid cause she really isn't...and i will admit at times through the year i was even disappointed in her struggles...its every parents dream to have a smart gifted child i spose...but now the more i pay attention the more i just realize that she is very bright...i was failing to notice because of the teacher constantly telling me how she struggles. for instance....they kept saying her reading ...ok but here at home, after all the tutoring through the year i have noticed a draumatic progress...she wasn't just reading word for word...there was a tone to her voice as it sposed to be with reading and using punctuations...
so then they complained she couldn't answer question about the book she read....then i thought well she does it at home....but discovered at school they are on time limits (which i think is harsh for grade 3..but that's my opinion) and i also noticed she remembered and could tell me all about the library books she read...then it hit me...of course she only remembers what interests her...she picks her library books...maybe she is not interested in what the teacher appoints her to read...so i think in caitlin's situation we are gona have to find tactics that help her get interested in everthing that is presented in class...and teach her how to work under pressure...cause i know at home i don't give her time limits ...sometimes it can take 2 hours for her to finish her homework....
i am really confident that she will do better next year....and hoping that summer school helps....i really don't want her to feel like she is stupid....

tan

KarateCollie · « **Reply #31 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 10:16 AM »

Tan, have they tested her for a learning disability? Perhaps that may be interfering with her progress.

Shit machine gun · « **Reply #32 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 10:19 AM »

Do they still give the strap in school?

KarateCollie · « **Reply #33 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 10:23 AM »

Well no SMG hehe, but at the elementary school that I use to go to, they kept it hung on the wall in the principal's office. We used to be terrified as kids but then we realized they weren't allowed to do it anymore!! Phew. The old Nuns used to use it in the "olden" days, darn penguins!!

Shit machine gun · « **Reply #34 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 10:38 AM »

I knew some kids that got it in grade 6. Saw the marks on their hands myself. They were punks though, and I would have slapped them silly if I were the teacher.

Evangeline · « **Reply #35 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 11:11 AM »

I went to a catholic elementary school and I know the nuns wanted to spank some of us. If I had children and a teacher or anyone tried to spank my child I would be furious!! I don't believe in spanking children. Violence is not the answer! If parents raised their children properly then they wouldn't need spankings from weapons such as a strap or a paddle. Who thinks its ok to use a weapon on a child? lol Maybe I'm a softy but I don't even spank my dogs.

tan · « **Reply #36 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 11:25 AM »

Quote from: KarateCollie on Jun 22, 2006, 10:16 AM

Tan, have they tested her for a learning disability? Perhaps that may be interfering with her progress.

i have thought of getting her tested...but i keep thinking it was jsut a bad year..i meant 9 other students failed grade 3 also...so i am thinking their new program they were trying out wasn't so effective...if she was alone with 1 or 2 more i may be more worried...
and what makes me even more nervous since they realize this new program they tried wasn't really effective they are introducing another one next year

because she failed she is gona be in a combined class with the grade 4 students...
IMHO....i think the school here is a little off they have no clue what they are doing and they are gona harm the children with all these testing out systems...
i will keep a close eye on her summer work and also watch how she progresses in the beginning of next year before i worry about having her tested.....she really did have a hard time with her teacher this year. because when i had meeting with the tutor and the teacher that had her in the afternoons they had nothing but good things to say about her and said she was working very hard....
as i stated before i don't really wanna blame the teacher but i know caitlin....if my neighbor is yelling at her kids caitlin is the one crying...so i can just imagine how she felt in a class for a whole year with a cranky loud teacher...

denialanderror · « **Reply #37 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 07:01 PM »

I know from experience how a bad teacher can affect you for a long time. When I was in sixth grade our class had the teacher from hell. She completely terrorized the class. Harsh, miserable, and not an ounce of kindness. She ended up dying of a brain tumor a year later and that was most likely the cause of her awful bizaar behavior. I don't think any of of us kids shed a tear after the year of hell she put us through, all we knew was the witch was dead.

Your daughter's teacher probably does not have a brain tumor, but could use some retraining and possibly another career choice if she is unkind to young children. And your poor daughter, all she wants most likely is her father's unconditional love and support, which would help remedy the situtation. But he probably feels he's doing the best he can, but who knows.

I'd watch it with the special classes. Sure they help, but sometimes at a price. Down here in the states, the schools get extra funding from the state, most about $30,000 a year extra for each special needs child, on top of what they get per child. Once these kids get in and get help, it is near impossible to get them back in to regular classes, because the schools don't want to give up the extra money. Hoepfully Canada isn't like that.

Good luck and give her hug!

Ole Dirty · « **Reply #38 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 07:07 PM »

Quote from: Evangeline on Jun 22, 2006, 11:11 AM

I went to a catholic elementary school and I know the nuns wanted to spank some of us. If I had children and a teacher or anyone tried to spank my child I would be furious!! I don't believe in spanking children. Violence is not the answer! If parents raised their children properly then they wouldn't need spankings from weapons such as a strap or a paddle. Who thinks its ok to use a weapon on a child? lol Maybe I'm a softy but I don't even spank my dogs.

I went to Catholic school as well....The nuns didn't think about spanking us, they used to kick the crap outta us! I was slapped in the face in Kindegarten because I said the word "shit" in the washroom. My buddy Corey got punched in the back for farting loudly, and making everyone laugh... Fucking nuns!

Evangeline · « **Reply #39 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 07:49 PM »

Quote from: Ole Dirty on Jun 22, 2006, 07:07 PM

Quote from: Evangeline on Jun 22, 2006, 11:11 AM
I went to a catholic elementary school and I know the nuns wanted to spank some of us. If I had children and a teacher or anyone tried to spank my child I would be furious!! I don't believe in spanking children. Violence is not the answer! If parents raised their children properly then they wouldn't need spankings from weapons such as a strap or a paddle. Who thinks its ok to use a weapon on a child? lol Maybe I'm a softy but I don't even spank my dogs.

I went to Catholic school as well....The nuns didn't think about spanking us, they used to kick the crap outta us! I was slapped in the face in Kindegarten because I said the word "shit" in the washroom. My buddy Corey got punched in the back for farting loudly, and making everyone laugh... Fucking nuns!

Omg! No child deserves to be slapped in the face ever!

tan · « **Reply #40 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 08:00 PM »

Quote from: denialanderror on Jun 22, 2006, 07:01 PM

I know from experience how a bad teacher can affect you for a long time. When I was in sixth grade our class had the teacher from hell. She completely terrorized the class. Harsh, miserable, and not an ounce of kindness. She ended up dying of a brain tumor a year later and that was most likely the cause of her awful bizaar behavior. I don't think any of of us kids shed a tear after the year of hell she put us through, all we knew was the witch was dead.

Your daughter's teacher probably does not have a brain tumor, but could use some retraining and possibly another career choice if she is unkind to young children. And your poor daughter, all she wants most likely is her father's unconditional love and support, which would help remedy the situtation. But he probably feels he's doing the best he can, but who knows.

I'd watch it with the special classes. Sure they help, but sometimes at a price. Down here in the states, the schools get extra funding from the state, most about $30,000 a year extra for each special needs child, on top of what they get per child. Once these kids get in and get help, it is near impossible to get them back in to regular classes, because the schools don't want to give up the extra money. Hoepfully Canada isn't like that.

Good luck and give her hug!

well this perticular teacher is quite old... i mean she taught me in grade 7

and guess what she was hateful then,...but me and caitlin has very different characters...i would spite teachers that were like that i pretty near give them nervous breakdowns...lmao
caitlin on the other hand is soft hearted....i mean she keeps saying how she yells alot...but the thing is she is yelling at other students...caitlin has never been yelled at once...in fact even this bad teacher praises how well behaved and quiet she is....but just seeing other kids get yelled at bothers her....she is just like that...i remember just a few year ago still....if i'd put my hands in my face and pretend to start crying she'd just take into bawling....she is THAT touchy....for her sake though i do hope she toughens out a little bit...because as i said this will probably not be the last she can get that is cranky...
these special programs i talk about aren't really designed for special needs kids .....they are basic programs introduced to the whole school as trying different appraoches in teaching i guess...lord knows...i know in grade 2 she was in a combined class then too....ALL grade 2 students in the same class...thank god we are small communities....they had 47 students in one class....i still think that is alot for grade 2...but she made it through grade 2 with excellent marks...so i am still hopefull for the years to come...

tan

Fishyneil · « **Reply #41 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 08:06 PM »

Make the punishment fit the crime. Your little girl is getting that concept. She will respect you for your actions and probably dis-like her fathers actions. You don't need to point that out to her. She already knows.
You remain the positive parent. Can't go wrong with that.

Fishy

trailerchick · « **Reply #42 on:** Jun 22, 2006, 10:20 PM »

Quote from: denialanderror on Jun 22, 2006, 07:01 PM

I'd watch it with the special classes. Sure they help, but sometimes at a price. Down here in the states, the schools get extra funding from the state, most about $30,000 a year extra for each special needs child, on top of what they get per child. Once these kids get in and get help, it is near impossible to get them back in to regular classes, because the schools don't want to give up the extra money. Hoepfully Canada isn't like that.

Good luck and give her hug!

I don't know how the funding works in Canada for that{i should though}

I know in our school which is a Community{PAC} school {although under the umbrella of W.Van school district} there are classes that are offered to students ranging from extra one on one help with a Special Ed teacher to a weekly challenge class for kids that are a little ahead of their peers. There is no restriction or compartmentalization in that you get stuck as any one or the other. My son does both. Sees a Special Ed teacher {who is fabulous BTW] for his printing and fine motor skills and attends a Math and literacy Challenge class....as he is working a few grades above his peer level.

I'm not sure how it is for other BC schools...but ours is really great...tons of really neat programs. Grandfreinds,where seniors in our community come and hang out with kids and do shit with them. And a Big Buddy program where older kids are paired with a younger buddy to help teach mentoring skills and help the little guys adjust to the school environment.

I feel lucky...especially after reading Class Wars by Maude Barlow with regards to the erosion of our public school systems. There is much to fix but so many positives as well to fight for.

Djet3k · « **Reply #43 on:** Jun 23, 2006, 02:43 AM »

Quote from: Ole Dirty on Jun 22, 2006, 07:07 PM

Quote from: Evangeline on Jun 22, 2006, 11:11 AM
I went to a catholic elementary school and I know the nuns wanted to spank some of us. If I had children and a teacher or anyone tried to spank my child I would be furious!! I don't believe in spanking children. Violence is not the answer! If parents raised their children properly then they wouldn't need spankings from weapons such as a strap or a paddle. Who thinks its ok to use a weapon on a child? lol Maybe I'm a softy but I don't even spank my dogs.

I went to Catholic school as well....The nuns didn't think about spanking us, they used to kick the crap outta us! I was slapped in the face in Kindegarten because I said the word "shit" in the washroom. My buddy Corey got punched in the back for farting loudly, and making everyone laugh... Fucking nuns!

Haha dont have to be nuns to be slappin, the principale (drunkass) slapped me in the face like 5-6 times, every slap made me drop to the floor again. I was laughing during "choir" class.
First year in highschool a teacher pulled me out the class by my hair and then proceeded to treathen me while putting his nails in my trouth.

Yup beeing the classclown can get you far

Good times

Canuckguy · « **Reply #44 on:** Jun 23, 2006, 06:25 AM »

Get her eyesight tested for sure if you havent lately.

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Author Topic: when is punishment right? (Read 1999 times)

EvilTwin

tan

tan

tan