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Author Topic: chivalry  (Read 1127 times)

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Vancouver

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chivalry
« on: May 10, 2006, 06:44 PM »
do you teach (or will you teach) your kids to be chivalous?
I had a friendly debate with the mother of a child who goes to gymnastics w/ the lil girl I Nanny for today. She believes chivalry is dead, I disagreee. Its a dying breed, I know, but it does not have to be.
We are the generation the kids need to teach them manners, respect, common sense...IMO it has skipped a generation, and it really is up to us to pass it on to our kids, or yeah, it may die. I teach the lil boy I Nanny for to look out for the lil girl I Nanny for. I make sure he opens doors for elderly, and to let them ahead of him, and wait his turn. Im teaching all the kids courtesy and humbleness, all that stuff my parents and grandparents taught me that I see missing from alotta teenagers today. (NO not ALL, just more then when I was a teen. )
I wonder why these lessons don't seem vital to some parents? Is it just too much work? cause I know kids are relentless, and THANKGOD Im off at 5.... I can see why folks could say they're tiered...anyway...food for thought...do YOU think chivalry's dead? or do you have hope? or do you give a shit? hehheh. :D
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trailerchick

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chivalry
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2006, 07:38 PM »
Yup...manners are gone....and you're right it starts with the parents. The problem I see these days is most of the parents haven't got much in the way of manners themselves....thus are unable to model these attributes for their kids.

Also,I think many parents just don't take the time to actually parent....like it's too hard or something. It IS hard!  You're trying to raise a whole human adult from scratch....it's supposed to be challenging.

Look at society these days...we teach our kids that it's Ok to interupt someone conversing with you, to answer your cell. That it's Ok to fly off into a rage on the highway cause the guy in front of you isn't going fast enough,or get snarky with the waitress who didn't get to your table immediately or roll your eyes and sigh cause the old lady in front of you at the store is taking a billion years to count her change. Yes that shit annoying,but it is what it is when you live with other human beings on this planet. All you 're teaching your kid at that point is that YOUR time is more important,that YOUR needs should be met first,that others are not as important as you. Why wouldn't kids be rude with that kind of behavior modeling?

My last issue is one of teaching accountability to our kids. In a society where you can sue someone for the slightest provacation or even worse for your own stupidity... it's always some elses fault. It's the Pub's fault you decided to drink and drive and crashed your car,it's McDonald's fault that you're 300 lbs or you put hot coffee between your legs and burnt yourself.... it's the teachers fault little Johnny s failing..the list is endless.

All these things teach a sense of entitlement. ...which leads us to believe we are better than everyone else. Why be nice when it's so obvious to yourself that you're above the fray?

Wooops...that was a bit of a rant there. Sorry.

oh well...I'm trying my best with my boy. It's all been drilled into him: the please and thank you's,holding doors, having patience with people,being accountable, having some humility and mostly to just remember that we're all just the same underneath it all....same fears, same joys...just all trying to exist here.
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Vancouver

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chivalry
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2006, 07:53 PM »
Quote from: trailerchick on May 10, 2006, 07:38 PM
Yup...manners are gone....and you're right it starts with the parents. The problem I see these days is most of the parents haven't got much in the way of manners themselves....thus are unable to model these attributes for their kids.

well said. so true.
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Julians_Wife

chivalry
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2006, 08:11 PM »
Well when we were growing up, it was pretty common that "mom" stayed home while dad worked and in my house my Nona lived with us. It was also more common that if you were rude or disrespectful to your elders that you had your ass spanked at home or got the strap at school or if you went to Catholic school like I did, you could expect to get your knuckles rapped with a yard stick or ruler by a nun. Mind you, if you were good and your teacher gave you a hug or patted you on the back or even some type of a reward, that was a great feeling.

If anybody even thought of that (the good or the bad) nowadays, childrens aid would be called and who knows someone could be getting hauled off to jail. I think alot of chivalry has been lost because some people are just too scared that if they do something nice for someone, it could be taken the wrong way and well some people just plain don't give a shit. I have a few friends that are teachers and we often talk about how much things have changed with kids compared to when we were kids in respect to chivalry. I think kids get away with way too much nowadays and they know they can.

It's a really tough call when it comes to parenting, because I've met some people that try to do a stand up job raising their kids, but their kids rebel. I've also met some people and left thinking, why didn't someone talk to you about birth control? I'm also tired of hearing people whine and cry that they have no for time their kids, you had time to conceive a child, but yet you have no time to raise your child? And at the same time you want them to respect you? Make the time!  You can't expect people to respect you if you don't respect them and that goes the same for kids.

I can't remember what show it was that I saw not too long ago, but they were talking to kids about their parents and almost every single kid on that show, said that they wished they could spend more time with their parents. I wish I could've spent more time with my father when I was kid, but he had 8 of us to raise with the help of his mother and I get why he wasn't there, but I think I would have easily given up some of my "designer clothes" and stuff like that to spend more time with him in the end.

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RumNCoke

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chivalry
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2006, 08:13 PM »
That was a great piece of commentary, trailerchick. I totally agree with you. I just think that as a whole, society has become apathetic. All the lessons you are teaching your son will serve him well. I try to live my life the same way also.
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elle*

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chivalry
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2006, 08:51 PM »
There are alot of kids out there that are really bad... or rude.  My niece for example is 12 and holy cow she is so mouthy, especially to her parents.. well mainly her mom.  I'm not sure why my sister lets her get away with it... I think she needs to be more strict.  I know when I'm a mom.. I'm not going to let my kids be mouthy to anyone.  I want them to be polite and nice to everyone.  I'm sure that's easier said than done but I'll definetaly try my best anyway.   
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shake

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chivalry
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2006, 09:13 PM »
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Ms Vee

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chivalry
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2006, 10:19 PM »
Quote from: elle* on May 10, 2006, 08:51 PM
There are allot of kids out there that are really bad... or rude.  My niece for example is 12 and holy cow she is so mouthy, especially to her parents.. well mainly her mom.  I'm not sure why my sister lets her get away with it... I think she needs to be more strict.  I know when I'm a mom.. I'm not going to let my kids be mouthy to anyone.  I want them to be polite and nice to everyone.  I'm sure that's easier said than done but I'll definetaly try my best anyway.   
Sound just like my family.  My sister was the same way with her three kids.  I remember hearing her tell them "you only listen to Mommy and Daddy and not any body else"!  Once when I had her kids at my house for an afternoon and told her that I had to give them "time out" for not listening to me, she told me not to discipline her kids.  Her kids are adults now, and   my oldest niece and I are not even on speaking terms anymore. But thats another story.
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EvilTwin

chivalry
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2006, 03:48 AM »
I was one of those kids raised with manners and respect for my elders and I plan to raise my kid(s) the same way. I always hold the door for a lady and let women and elderly people go ahead of me. Recently on my trip back to the US for my grandpas funeral there was an elderly women trying to get her carry-on into the overhead compartment and at least 5 men ignored her even though she obviously needed help. I got up and helped her and when we landed in London(or was it Copenhagen? 28 hours of travelling I don't remember) I waited until the plane emptied and went back to help the women with her bag again. She tried to pay me! I refused, of course telling her that some of us were raised properly.
  At the same time I'm the guy on the interstate flashing my lights at the guy going 55mph in the high speed lane. The gas pedal, its the long skinny one on the right!!
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StoneChimes

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chivalry
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2006, 04:28 AM »
This lack of manners thing has actually been getting me down a bit lateley. I travel on electric trains, trams, busses and by foot - lately I've seen a guy walk straight into a girl and knock her flying on to the ground and didn't stop even though he was walking at a medium pace. I was stunned.. I couldn't even yell out to the guy when I was helping the girl up. I actually felt like running up to him and bitch slapping him in the back of his head right in front of his girlfriend. Lucky I can usually moderate myself fairly well. Then on the same day I was trying to get off of a train at Flinders Street - our busiest station in melbourne.. and this prick 16yo (or thereabouts) in his prick school blazer physically pushed past a woman who was trying to get off the train to get on as soon as the doors opened. He then tried to push past me so I crossed my forearms in front of myself and pushed him back out onto the platform and onto his arse. Even though it was very satisfying and people seemed to like it... it's still a cycle of tension and agro that I helped to perpetuate.

So I'll go back to just setting an example and chilling out .. there's no more you can do IMHO.  :6paper:
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Djet3k

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chivalry
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2006, 04:53 AM »
Ey honky!

Fuckin plz, with fuckin suga on top would you be so fuckin kind to empty your inbox?

FUCK!  :lol:
« Last Edit: May 11, 2006, 04:59 AM by Djet3k »
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kitty meiowenstein

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chivalry
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2006, 05:43 AM »

I agree, it's got so bad, I can't see myself having kids.  All it takes is watching one of those kids programmes where its all gone wrong and they've got boot camps in to try and help (the kids) and they're screaming 24/7, and I tell myself I'm having em tied at the weekend. Imagine LIVING with that.

we were brought up with manners. can you imagine if you did manage to bring a kid up well, then they'd have to go work and live with all the other unmannered bulies and w*nkers in their age group?  no thanks.
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monkeon

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chivalry
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2006, 07:20 AM »
My Granda always told me manners cost nothing!
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Djet3k

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chivalry
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2006, 07:32 AM »
Quote from: monkeon on May 11, 2006, 07:20 AM
My Granda always told me manners cost nothing!

WB Monkeon!

You got that welcome for free indeed
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monkeon

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chivalry
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2006, 08:03 AM »
Quote from: Djet3k on May 11, 2006, 07:32 AM
Quote from: monkeon on May 11, 2006, 07:20 AM
My Granda always told me manners cost nothing!

WB Monkeon!

You got that welcome for free indeed

Thanks for that bud I've been a busy bunny for the past few months!
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melba the disco queen

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chivalry
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2006, 08:36 AM »
One of the main reasons I don't want children is because I have seen how horribly bratty, disrespectful, rude and mean they can be; I know that I would be 'strict' if I ever had children when it comes to those qualities & would teach them to be 'good' kids. However, once I send them off to school to cavort with their mates, who knows what bad manners & habits they may pick up? Hopefully they would know to stick by what I had taught them, but would this alienate them from their friends?

When it comes to men & chivalry (bravery & courtesy), I love it when a guy opens doors for me & treats me with the amount of respect I feel I deserve. I always try to say 'thank you' for their courtesies.
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monkeon

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chivalry
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2006, 10:32 AM »
Quote from: melba the disco queen on May 11, 2006, 08:36 AM
When it comes to men & chivalry (bravery & courtesy), I love it when a guy opens doors for me & treats me with the amount of respect I feel I deserve. I always try to say 'thank you' for their courtesies.

Glad someone does, I opened a door for a lady in town the other week and she bit my head off!
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Cappy

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chivalry
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2006, 10:36 AM »
Ya wb Monk. Anyways, I teach my kids to use manners and respect other people. They get the beats if they don't! JK I don't hit my kids outside of a lite cuff if they're being retarded. It's very important to me that they respect people.
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monkeon

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chivalry
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2006, 10:40 AM »
Quote from: Captain Shittastic on May 11, 2006, 10:36 AM
Ya wb Monk. Anyways, I teach my kids to use manners and respect other people. They get the beats if they don't! JK I don't hit my kids outside of a lite cuff if they're being retarded. It's very important to me that they respect people.

Thats the main problem over here parents don't teach there kids respect.

My GFs a trainee teacher and when she has to ring home about a bad pupil 9 times out 10 the parents are just as bad as the kids.

Jesus! I'm sounding more and more like my Dad every day!
« Last Edit: May 11, 2006, 10:45 AM by monkeon »
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Cappy

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chivalry
« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2006, 10:58 AM »
Most of my kids friends are rich kids (I live in oil country), therefore I see alot of spoiled kids. They get everything handed to them. They don't have to work for anything. Hell we pay our rinkrats 16 bux an hour and we can't get anyone!!! Our main rinkrat (he's 16), makes 2 grand a month at work. Hell I couldnt get a job over 5 an hour when I was a kid. Anyways where an i going with this? Oh ya, spolied bastages.
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EvilTwin

chivalry
« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2006, 06:05 AM »
Quote from: Djet3k on May 11, 2006, 04:53 AM
Ey honky!

Fuckin plz, with fuckin suga on top would you be so fuckin kind to empty your inbox?

FUCK!  :lol:


Didn't realize you were talking to me, bro. Also didn't know that my inbox was 176% full. Its empty now.
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Djet3k

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chivalry
« Reply #21 on: May 12, 2006, 06:21 AM »
Quote from: EvilTwin on May 12, 2006, 06:05 AM
Quote from: Djet3k on May 11, 2006, 04:53 AM
Ey honky!

Fuckin plz, with fuckin suga on top would you be so fuckin kind to empty your inbox?

FUCK!  :lol:


Didn't realize you were talking to me, bro. Also didn't know that my inbox was 176% full. Its empty now.

Sorry honky , i can reach you on msn no need for pm :) it was talkin to the australian bloke
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tellkyle

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chivalry
« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2006, 10:43 PM »
When i'm subbing and I have the kids line up to go to some other class or a restroom break I always say "ladies first."  One of the boys invariably complains and the standard response is, "Its gonna be like this for the rest of your life you might as well get used to it."  I don't know that I'm actually instilling 'values' in the kids but it can't hurt.
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Canuckguy

chivalry
« Reply #23 on: May 12, 2006, 11:42 PM »
I don't think its dead, my parents taught me to be polite and a gentleman.  I think it just depends on what type of parents you have.  Except in traffic......old people drive me insane.
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EvilTwin

chivalry
« Reply #24 on: May 13, 2006, 12:48 AM »
Quote from: melba the disco queen on May 11, 2006, 08:36 AM
One of the main reasons I don't want children is because I have seen how horribly bratty, disrespectful, rude and mean they can be; I know that I would be 'strict' if I ever had children when it comes to those qualities & would teach them to be 'good' kids. However, once I send them off to school to cavort with their mates, who knows what bad manners & habits they may pick up? Hopefully they would know to stick by what I had taught them, but would this alienate them from their friends?

When it comes to men & chivalry (bravery & courtesy), I love it when a guy opens doors for me & treats me with the amount of respect I feel I deserve. I always try to say 'thank you' for their courtesies.
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